Hunger
by Nahadria-Leralonde
Summary: It's just kind of a weird thing about Jou and his personality. PG-13 because it's kind of weird. It's more than kind of weird....


Author's Note: I'm stalling. I really need to update Conscience Is Everything, but I don't want to sit down and write it, lol. Oddly enough, this is based 100% on me :). It's just a short random one shot, unless you want more, lol. But then I'd have to come up with a plot.... eh. Oh well.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*  
  
Everyone wants to know how I stay so skinny. They all ask me the same questions. "How do stay in shape?!" "Why are you so thin?"" Look at Jou he's so skinny!""Do you have an eating disorder?!"  
  
No. No, I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not stupid. I tell them that I don't know how I stay so thin; that I eat a lot it just doesn't go anywhere. Or that I run it off. I've always been one of the faster people in my class. I tell them all a different story.  
  
But they're all lies. They don't really want to know how I stay so skinny, and they couldn't possibly understand it anyway. They would think I was sick. Or crazy. I guess it's just human nature to automatically dislike what you don't understand. Humans are the only ones that out think their conscience. And look where it's gotten us. Humans are dumb.  
  
Every morning I wake up, and crawl into my life. I lead two very different lives, and no one knows why. I have two different sets of friends, and I keep them as separate as possible. One time I was not paying attention and let one of my friends slip from one group to the other. Two that know two completely separate sides of me. That clashed.  
  
It's harder than it looks, to be two different people in the same body. It's hard to be friends with everyone and maintain a great personality. It's difficult to keep good grades and be completely involved and be a social butterfly. It's hard to be original. But I still pull it off, day after day, year after year.  
  
So every day I come home. I do my homework, I listen to my music. It's hard to be original, and my friends took one of my best ideas. My music. I love the heavy hard rock. It's really therapeutic. It may not seem that way, but if you understand it you would see what I mean. My friends all started listening to my music. They all came from pop to rock. It's great that they recognized real music for once, but I want to be different. I hate being the same!  
  
Stereotypes. I hate them. I may look innocent enough, but that doesn't mean I am. People should never judge their fellow human beings on their looks. It sickens me. I may look like I am a very religious church-boy, but in fact I don't believe in God at all. I am not Christian. In fact, I am nothing of the sort. I believe the teachings of the Wicca. They seem to fit the world today. As it harm none, do as you will. Some people could really use that.  
  
So that brings me back to why I am who I am. To be different. I have two different sides, but they have one common quality. My sanity. Which is believed by many to be gone.  
  
I am skinny. I stay skinny. They don't know why, but I do. It's something I couldn't handle if it got out. No one, not even my closest friend knows. They would think I was disturbed- more than they already do.  
  
To be honest, I love the feeling of hunger. I love the growling, I love the sound it makes. I love the way your stomach yells when it wants to be fed, and I love denying it what it wants. It is the one thing I do have control over. My body.  
  
I don't like pain, I don't like embarrassment, I don't like attention. I love hunger. It's strangely satisfying to hear the growling of my stomach and the feeling it makes when it does. It's strangely satisfying for me to deny it food, to not eat at all. I love being hungry.  
  
I love going for days without eating.  
  
Of course, I won't let it go too far. Like I said, I am not stupid. I won't become so skinny it's no longer pleasant to look at. I won't worry anyone. I have my ways of bringing myself pleasure without others worrying. Why should they worry? They have enough on their minds as it is.  
  
If I am asked to come out to dinner, I will. I won't not eat if I am offered. When no one is home, I eat nothing. I never eat breakfast, and I won't eat lunch on school days. That's considered normal if you don't eat lunch, right?  
  
And I do eat if I drop below my set weight. I won't let myself become unhealthy. Unhealthy weight wise I mean. I'm already too far-gone with my mental state. There's nothing anyone can do. I am not too far-gone to see that I can give myself one thing- hunger. And I love it.  
  
That's how I stay so skinny- that's my unknown secret.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*  
  
Weird? Disturbing? Well, I am listening to Disturbed right now. Lol. Why don't you just review and tell me. I like flames by the way; it's the best way to get the help I need. With my writing I mean. Of course, they have to be from the heart, lol. 


End file.
